Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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