U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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