he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
