No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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