i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
