hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
