she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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