Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
