I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
