Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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