So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
