Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
