He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
