I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
