I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
