I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
