watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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