peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
