Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
