you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
