Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
