Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Duck Duck Cougar?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
