Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
