Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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