why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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