I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
