when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have post one night stand depression
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
