Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
