i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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