when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
