I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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