Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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