its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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