Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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