i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
