Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
