you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
