there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
