Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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