I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
