Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize