you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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