Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
