This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
