I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize