I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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