You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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