I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
