you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
