Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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