Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
