How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
