fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize