So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
