Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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