I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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