NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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