My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
