you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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