I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
