White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
