He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize