She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
