when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
