Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
