singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
