I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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