hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
