He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
