Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
