im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
