Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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