I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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