I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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