There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
