Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize