I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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