drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
