Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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