I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
