I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
