You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
