Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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