This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
