I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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