Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
