Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize