OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
