I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
