Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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