just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
