If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
