Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
