i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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