Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
