apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
