***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize