one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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