So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
