Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
