I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
