i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can vaginas get frostbite?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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