I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
