my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
