Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize