final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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