Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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