I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
