the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
