I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
