My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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