I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
